I feel like I’ve been on a year-long journey of trial and error, craving stability amid uncertainty. Rebuilding my clientele has proven to be quite challenging—not due to a lack of capability, as I’ve successfully built my clientele three times in the past 27 years—but rather a question of whether I want to continue this alone. Part of me wants to trust the process, as I have in the past, while another part yearns for the support of a salon that can handle the backend responsibilities, such as marketing and taxes. This is where I’ve felt burnt out. To be honest, I’ve never excelled at managing the business side. The question lingers: do I have another struggle in me for the eventual payoff when things improve? This is part of my existential crisis.

As I write this, I have about 5 weeks left of the trial lease at my one-chair studio. After that, I must decide whether I’m committing to another year to grow my own business or if I need to step back and find a salon that can offer the support I need. There are definitely pros and cons to both scenarios. When I first moved to Colorado, I tried it on my own and then pivoted to a salon once I realized it wasn’t working. I guess it’s more challenging to do that this time since I’ve built a business and social media presence over the last 9 years. It’s frustrating to feel like I’ll be perceived as flaky and unable to settle if I move again. But if I remain in my current situation without confidence in making it work this time, then I’m letting my ego dictate my choices. I feel very conflicted at this moment, and I’m hoping for some clarity soon.

This is simply how I’m feeling at the moment. I believe that whatever decision I make, I’ll find a way to make it work. Maybe I should embrace the mystical and request a sign from the universe. At this stage, I’m willing to try anything…